Adoption
Forty-plus years ago, a woman carried a baby boy to term, gave birth, and gave him up for adoption. Generally speaking, I believe that a bond forms between mother and growing child during the nine month term. And I have to believe that any mother would, from time-to-time over the ensuing decades, wonder what became of her baby, even if only for a moment.
That's why I'm creating this page. Because I want her to know that I'm okay and that everything worked out. I have had an extraordinary life with a loving family and have been blessed with good health. If the decision was out of her hands, I want her to know how grateful I am to her. If it was her decision, she should know it was a miracle.
It was a miracle because it led me to my Parents, Pat and Al Beltrami. My Mom and Dad are two of the most important people in my life and I love them very much. I am so thankful for the life they have given me. That's why I need to say that the search for my birth mother has nothing to do with them and isn't a reflection on our relationship or how I feel about them. I am not trying to fill a void in my life and I don't particularly have a need to discover and embrace a second family. Our relationship is as close and strong now as it has ever been.
Details for the Search
I don't have much in the way of information relating to my birth and adoption. I have the altered birth certificate and some paperwork. But the critical, pertinent records were sealed or destroyed long ago. I made inquiries with the hospital and adoption agency, but didn't even get past the receptionists. The records are gone and even if they had them they would not provide any information.
There are several basic pieces of information that I am willing to post:
- Month and Year: October 1965
- City and State: Oakland, California
I am leaving many details out which are important because I want to protect myself from fraud and identity theft. Please do not attempt to contact me. I have provided Soundex (AKA ISRR) with all of the information I have relating to my adoption and will only accept communications through them.
If you are searching for your child (or parent), I highly recommend that you register with Soundex/ISRR:
International Soundex Reunion Registry
They are the world's largest and most successful mutual consent reunion registry and provide their service for free. Many adoptee search sites recommend Soundex registration. The odds are excellent that if someone is searching online for you they will have been advised to register with Soundex. When a match is made, the folks at Soundex will telephone you both and you go from there.
What About My Birth Father?
I don't mean to ignore him. But for the reasons I have outlined my focus is on finding my birth mother. If I am successful in contacting her, who knows?
Life as an Adoptee
Since I was adopted as an infant, I was not aware during the adoption process and have no memories of that time. My Mom and Dad are the only parents I have ever known. They have always been very open and forthcoming about the adoption. I have always known and have always been supported and encouraged to ask questions about it. Thanks to this approach, I never felt unloved, abandoned, ashamed or embarrassed about any part of my experience or status. It is only recently that I've come to realize that so many adoptees battle these issues and that they have become serious impediments to leading healthy lives. I am very fortunate.
If You Find Your Birth Mother, What Then?
Wanting her to know that "I'm OK and everything worked out" implies finding her and making contact to pass along the message, even if it's a very brief contact (not necessarily face-to-face or even two-way). But delivering the message is the primary goal at this point. I have no expectations and am not interested in putting any pressure on her. I am open to whatever unfolds, including the possibility that she does not want any contact at all. Call it a "cautious approach."